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Working the Steps?

Hello and welcome to The Path Forward. My name is Goldie and I am the forum's lead moderator. I am available to assist you with the 6 Steps of recovery from a relationship with a Narcissist. This process is often painful and many are left with unanswered questions and a sense of "What just hit me?" "How can I be feeling this badly when I was "so loved" in the beginning?" and "How can I get my life back on track and recover from this confusing, painful ordeal?"

You must remember you have done nothing wrong, but believe in the good nature of another person. Unfortunately, this person has shown their true colors and you are now left with many questions. This section of the forum is devoted to answering your questions because we know you have many.

Here we will talk about what it means to be "Working the Steps" and the different recovery tools we find helpful in healing from a relationship with a Narcissist. Allowing yourself to process and feel your emotions through creative outlets as well as writing your "Goodbye Letter" are important aspects of the 6 Step Recovery process we believe with help you on the path forward. Please post your questions here and I will respond. Many of the questions which you have will also be helpful to other members. We are glad you found our community of support and can assure you that being here is the first step on the Path Forward.

Members, submit your question to Goldie!

Narcissism in the family

tough girl's picture
Submitted by tough girl on Dec 22 - 6PM

It's hard to go NC with siblings but that is what I've done. It's become too excrutiating to deal with them with their lies, twisting and manipulation. They are pretending they don't "understan" why I'm upset! The story is too long to go into here but after three relationships with Narcs I can confidently confirm the siblings are Narcissists. My mom is utterly confused. They have always gotten away with unacceptable behavior looking down thier noses at mom taking up where Dad left off. As the youngest I've been resented since birth. Mom has been too abused to see. After much hurt she caused by not standing up for me, I've forgiven her because I understand the dilemma of an abused woman since I've been one so many times.

How do you know?

marigold's picture
Submitted by marigold on Dec 20 - 8AM

I know the only way someone can be diagosed with NPD is if they go and see a professsional. I know it's impossible to really diagnose based on what a second party is telling you, but I could use an unbiased opinion and possible some assurance. When my relationship ended I was dumbfounded. It went from I miss you and want to see you whenever possible to I could go a month without seeing you and be OK with it in a very short period of time.

Will the N ever be able to love?

lisab's picture
Submitted by lisab on Dec 3 - 12AM

It's been 2 days of being single but I'm finding out I was the only one really Ina relationship. I did well no contact no calling and no calls then last night the drive bys then by 2 am phone calls. I opted not to listen but by midday I called and listened it has destroyed my day and put me right back into " I deserve the truth"? Will he ever tell the truth? If he doesn't love me why won't he go away and how can he call me such things and accuse me of horrible things then say he loves me.

birthday blues

Ann28's picture
Submitted by Ann28 on Nov 26 - 1AM

So after I left my Narcisisst(for the second time), and cut off alll communication, he messaged me yesterday telling me all the things I did wrong; that I was too needy&dramatic etc. The difficult thing is today is his birthday, and all the memories&plans I made are drowning me.
I'm dying To just message him a short happy birthday. AnD then never speak again?

How do I stop obsessing?

Anonymous's picture
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Nov 19 - 11AM

First thought when I wake up, in my head all day long, how do I stop? Seeing a therapist but it's new and I'm still just doing all the talking and not sure she's qualified to help me redirect my brain wiring to stop this nonsense. Want to stop reaching out, giving myself a pep talk every day about how I'm walking away and starting the "no contact" but every freaking day, there I go and reach out!

Will this kill me before I GET IT?

I_Dated_Satan's picture
Submitted by I_Dated_Satan on Nov 3 - 9PM

I am only six weeks into recovery..I was doing great with the blocked phone numbers, etc. Then he showed up at my house. He had picked a fight six weeks earlier when I had surgery and he knew I would be of no service to him....I worked on myself, recovery from him and bamhere he is...
I talked myself into first a breakfast, then a dinner knowing I was having a slip, but now that he had a new gf I was jealous, onely, and honestly missed him. The attraction/chemistry is a rush. I decided to have that dinner and not tell anyone, how could I? I already looked like an idiot for three years w this serial cheater/mentally abusive, jerk. But like all of them his lips were like honey, his game was champion....

Thinking about dating again?

coffeeaddict66's picture
Submitted by coffeeaddict66 on Oct 29 - 8AM

Hi Goldie,

I was wondering, if maybe we could have an additional forum for those of us that have progressed to the point of being ready to try dating again but are still a little unsure of ourselves? Something like "Getting back in the Game".

A place where we can share experiences, thoughts, conserns, tips and observations.

Thanks,
Coffee

Struggling at Step 5

GeorgiaGirl's picture
Submitted by GeorgiaGirl on Oct 20 - 2PM

I am almost 7 months post-N and just struggling with everything right now. I want to rip my skin off, step out of it and walk off down the road. That's how awful it feels to be me.

Yesterday was a pretty good day, got quite a bit done at work, had supper and went to an activity I enjoy. I ran in to exN#1's current gf and felt absolutely nothing. I went home triumphant and had some ice cream just because. I didn't obsess all day, quieted the voices in my head when they chimed in and was looking forward to some things coming up next week.