Working the Steps?

Hello and welcome to The Path Forward. My name is Goldie and I am the forum's lead moderator. I am available to assist you with the 6 Steps of recovery from a relationship with a Narcissist. This process is often painful and many are left with unanswered questions and a sense of "What just hit me?" "How can I be feeling this badly when I was "so loved" in the beginning?" and "How can I get my life back on track and recover from this confusing, painful ordeal?"

You must remember you have done nothing wrong, but believe in the good nature of another person. Unfortunately, this person has shown their true colors and you are now left with many questions. This section of the forum is devoted to answering your questions because we know you have many.

Here we will talk about what it means to be "Working the Steps" and the different recovery tools we find helpful in healing from a relationship with a Narcissist. Allowing yourself to process and feel your emotions through creative outlets as well as writing your "Goodbye Letter" are important aspects of the 6 Step Recovery process we believe with help you on the path forward. Please post your questions here and I will respond. Many of the questions which you have will also be helpful to other members. We are glad you found our community of support and can assure you that being here is the first step on the Path Forward.

Members, submit your question to Goldie!

narcspeak

How do they all say the same/similar things? Does any other group in society say the same things (not to include friends in a social setting, or a group of teenages)?
The "Speak" is bizarre, awful, yet fascinating how it works.

Oceangirl

Is this "normal"

My relationship was brief 5 months, I found myself looking for answers because I really thought I was losing my mind. This man changed right before my eyes. I guess what I'm asking in reading the posts and blogs that as soon as I am convinced that he is a Narc I mean text book but then I read something that maybe doesnt fit or I read something and hear his words telling me all the things I did wrong it's like he was trying to peg me as a Narc and that I was so scared of. Do you think this is normal?

Why can't I get over him?

I haven't talked to him in 4 months but I think about him almost every day? Will I ever feel happy again? This has been going on for 7 years (off and on) but this is the longest I have gone with NC. I feel like I'm an addict and I'm going through withdrawals or something. Is this normal?

He said the new woman is everything he's ever wanted and all he'll ever need.

One of the things he said that haunts me still to this day is:

"I'll never treat her like I treated you, she's everything I've ever wanted and all I'll ever need.

This still makes me cry, it hurts so bad. I did everything for him, including 3-somes with other women and sex with other couples. I'm ashamed of myself. To hear him make that statement, made me sick to my stomach. Now I'm believe she gets to have the relationship that I wanted with him :(

Thinking about him physically

I know that many Narcs aren't good in bed - but mine was. Which makes it very hard. My mind knows how bad he is for me, but it also wanders to all of the very good times we had in bed. I feel embarassed posting this question, but is there a way to not go there in my head? I feel so disgusting and stupid when I do...

I think I am crazy

So when we first broke up I was the one that made all this stupid contact and he just ignored me or dismissed me etc...Now I am in the NC stage and for the most part i am ok but i still wonder at times was he right? If i had only done things differentyl then he would have cared about my needs, my wants, my opinions???? And I wonder am I the N and not him after all because i was the one who kept going back? Was i the one hoovering? I think I may be going insane just like he said I was all along...maybe he was right?