Serenstar's story
Serenstar's story
THE NARC ……THE CON – MY LIFE ……THE MARK – AKA ME
EGO - Overinflated ego, affirmed his hotness in the mirror as he preens and sung songs of how great he was in the shower. I used to think this was short man syndrome as he is 5’4”. He is not an Adonis at all. He referred to himself as his friends LEADER.
PERSONA - Charming, charismatic, attentive, like your best girlfriend, put me on a pedestal, nothing too much trouble, listened, consoled me, I was the strongest person he knew. He admired me I had it all together and could obviously teach him things. He was always helpful, pleasing, nice to my family always went out of his way to treat you like a princess and special, could make you fall for him. REALITY – A liar, manipulator, chameleon, charlatan, cheater, intelligent, cunning, shifty, overly confident, robotic, no compassion, no remorse, incapable of love or feelings.
SEX - He was insatiable at sex, really aggressive at first it scared me then it became the norm I think I may have been Madonna and Whore in the beginning I played into his fantasies, he pushed my sexual boundaries the sex felt hot and erotic but at the same time lacking love (he had porn fetishes about bondage, humiliation, spanking etc, threesomes seemed to like the idea of piercings). I am not offended by porn but when it takes away from a relationship and he is only getting horny from images and not you I think it is wrong. Major amounts of sex in the beginning then excuses. I was PUNISHED regularly because I pissed him off – punishment no sex leaving him calling me stormy as I storm off frustrated, I walk on eggshells and hope at the end of a good day I actually get it – I don’t.. I practise monogamy and I have a healthy libido – our sex life went from hot to fewer and fewer times to nothing, for the last 5 months, I thought it was extremely cruel. REALITY – I became the sexless Madonna.
IDEALS - He has grandiose ideals and eats lobster like he’s rockerfella but has nothing to back it up. He has no possessions but vacations Overseas. He has no bills. REALITY - His credit was bad, he lived at home at 35 (because his mom did not drive and his dad had had a heart attack). His car is in his moms name his insurance in his dads. TRUTH – he never left home, uses his mom who enables him, he does not lift a finger in the house. She does his washing and cooking, lies for him and covers for him. His truth he does everything he moved back in to help them.
BACKGROUND - I was told he got a scholarship to a particular university in baseball and he got a BA in Business from there. TRUTH - I found out from a fake diploma in his drawer 3.5 years later he did not graduate high school. He then worked for a company for 15 years before he lost his job a month after I met him. TRUTH - when I met him he did work there but 3.5 years later I find out he worked there 15 months. He was out of work 6 months but got back on his feet as he wanted to impress me. The new job fuelled his ego it came with a truck, a new iphone, responsibility and power. A 24hr shift and being on call 24/7 the rest of the week. Leaving plenty of opportunities for him to be elusive, missing in the middle of the night with a reason.
MONEY – Or lack of it – REALITY bad credit. This was explained away as his family using him. As a cash cow and he was the victim getting loans for family. It became clear the family did behave as if everyone’s credit was a joint credit pool so It became validated to me. REALITY – He needed me to fix it, I was great at finances, it was a deal breaker for me but as he was a victim I helped him. He started to obsessively save and pay the debt off. Getting a bigger Ego and surpassing me financially. TRUTH – He was completely irresponsible and his mom who covers for him had paid bills that he gave up paying. He always owed other people money as he barely worked this information only came to light within the last year.
TRIPS – I am from another country. As he garners more money he gets a passport and regularly books us trips home on his schedule. This is for me as I do not get to see my family much, get homesick etc. REALITY – Half the local village seems to be his fanclub after 1 trip – they seriously feed his ego – He is their King and he even jokes that they make an announcement that he is coming. He becomes loved and supports the local sports team , people are giving him things, mementos, also full run of the bar. He seems to look forward to trips to go to that bar than to see my family or anywhere else. International traveller now added to his repetoire.
APPEARANCE – Dresses 80’s style – Accepts my offer to help him look better, chose a style. He thinks he is even hotter. He constantly wears items of clothing emblazoned with the flag of my country or the local team. I thought he was so sweet to make an effort with my culture etc. REALITY - It’s part of his game to make him interesting and unique it started many conversations and was an icebreaker with women. He looked better and it gave his ego even more confidence that if I though he looked hot now so would other women.
CHEATING PART 1 – I lose my job and actually need him, things are going bad for me and opportunities are opening up in my own country. I am drained and spinning my wheels - He is supportive, look into it we could both move back but you first. He wants me to set it all up. REALITY – In his mind I have now abandoned him and must be PUNISHED so he needs to find a new supply. He starts trolling the internet before I come back and as I do not have a roof over my head anymore I have to stay with family 5 hrs away. He sees my repeated leaving as abandonment instead of helping secure us an apt as he cannot do anything by himself. We are not apart long but he signs up for a personals site to search for a Madonna and is on other sites more dubious looking for whores. He even books a hotel room. When I half find out later I confront and am BRAINWASHED into believing it is NOT WHAT I THINK IT IS and it was my fault he had to stay at a hotel as he did not want to get a DUI and his girlfriend wasn’t around to drive him home. I am not that naïve. TRUTH – he had contacted lots of girls over 2.5 months, even used guys names in his phone instead of theirs. When I started to fins out I wrote all the numbers down out of his phone but was brainwashed into beleiveing I was paranoid. I called 2 and had proof of some going out to dinner with him which I was totally shocked about. It would be 3 months later when I would find the WHORE (probably not the only one now I know what I know about this PD) she admitted a purely sexual relationship. The WHORE – a recent transplant to the area, an easy mark, recovering from breast cancer, lost her job and living at a friends house, a good 8 years older than he and I. Confirms sex on first night and hotel room. LIES – Tells her he makes lots of money, gets out of the relationship saying his dad died on Christmas Eve ????? GUILT – Is laid on me and my own family think I invited this in as I was wishy-washy about our relationship. Instead of leaving I am paralysed I am dependant, I stay but am humiliated, devastated, betrayed, hurt, angry, confused etc. Thinking who the hell are you and at the same time, I am a horrible girlfriend no wonder you did this. I do insist on condoms and our sex life becomes less and less and not because of me.
FLIRTING – After cheating , now pulls his weight has a contact for a mortgage, wants me to go with him. Flirts with mortgage girl (she will reappear later) shamelessly and makes me feel like a 3rd wheel. Find out her 2nd job is a bartender and he drops by there on his way home for 10 mins sometimes. REALITY – Had no idea he knew her or went to this bar. She knows all his friends to. He acts like it’s casual, truth is he has known her a year and she knows all about his sob story with me. She fuels his ego, when he is out of the room tells me he is not like other men he is so nice and she thinks he wants to marry me. I am thinking I just found out he cheated ????
ROPING ME BACK IN - He needs some of my money if I want to live in a certain area – as my expectations are HIGH. TRUTH – they are not, just normal. His whores have no expectations.
I do not give money, he just cheated. He puts in bids on houses too low and does not get them. He wants to get a house not waste money on rent, I move into his parents house this is something I say I will never do. It get quite depressed ontop of going for interviews and not being able to land a job as the economy is bad. I deal with it. My bro 5 hrs away needs help with his business and children I to keep my sanity go to help.
CANNOT BE ALONE - Now I know a NARC’s fear is being alone. He was alone again, he contacted someone or many on Craiglsist to meet for coffee I was furious ( I found out as now I snoop). I Stay away a bit longer but come back as I am scared what is going on. Mortgage lady has been calling from a year ago. I call her and find out they have been hanging out while I was gone, she is now divorced, he said I knew and it was ok. I say hell no I know nothing of it, he saved her from a dui, helped her with her daughters prom dress and they had been hanging out with each others friends.
CONFRONTATION – Leads to his RAGE says nothing is going on, he has done nothing wrong, just friends etc. She confirms this. I am made to look STUPID, a jealous girlfriend, who is not fun, controlling etc. I tell her it is not cool our relationship is in recovery for a year over a cheating incident. I do not want her drunken BS in my life. He is furious at me and says it is not her fault, his RAGE leads his father to throw him out of the house. He is furious and says am I happy now he is homeless. My family comes in from overseas to my brothers as we are having problems he says he will come up and visit , he says he will pick me up and bring me back he makes a fool of me and does neither. REALITY - He had been seen with one of her younger college friends riding around in his truck has gone out of his way to be helpful and pick them up and bring them into town. He also disappears for 3 days his mom thinks he is picking me up. Never got the truth on this and the mortgage lady move to another state although only 20 mins away. He may have been helping her move but I have a feeling now sex with someone was likely involved.
ROLLERCOASTER – Everyday is different swinging from horrible to wonderful, I can do nothing right, I am the bad guy. It sounds like I go out of town a lot but it is usually under his suggestion, his payment and his support. It would not be normal if I was employed. He is lonely when I am gone and mad when I am back. Everything is totally all my fault. We do some fun things together but sex seems to be cut off now. We have a row he wants it ended the next day we are going to work it out. He needs space now. He says go back to your own country for a month to give us space. I want to but I don’t as I am always trying to look for a job. I go. Before I go I notice some numbers and things about craigslist and I am shocked and scared again. Who the hell is this guy. For my sanity I go into denial and write down the numbers. I do inquire about them am told one is a wrong number, then yes he knows who it is, its none of my business, and the other is R someone from the coffee shop.
OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR – The NARC appears to visit a coffee/tea shop twice a day to surf the internet on his iphone. REALITY – he is trolling craigslist he says for apts, I say I think otherwise he says he is interested in stupid things people put on there. I half believe it. Denial I don’t want to. On a visit to said coffee/tea shop I find a possee of older women he just chats to. So not cool but I am being accused of being ridiculous he can’t have friends, some are guys to. They seem not his type and he probably not theirs I meet one and she is nice but seems to know little about me, as if just heard of me in passing.
AWAY – I am away 6 weeks we talk on skype, I was to be there 3 but there was a funeral and he says extend it he is so understanding I never see my family much he sees his all the time. I do not know where our relationship lies if we even have one. He says when I get back we are fixing it and will get a place first of the year. I get back and am back 3 weeks and see a phone number – deep set in the back of my mind I put 2 and 2 together and figure this is R from the coffee shop. I am thinking what the F. He says she is probably calling for a ride he does not pick it up. I find out he has given her rides before he says once in a blue moon as she has no car. She is a 47 year old art student and needed fabric one day he helped with that to. This is so not cool I am pissed. Yet again I have no idea this is going on. I tell him I have her number and if she is a friend it will all be confirmed. He goes into a RAGE says do not mess with my friends, you will just embarrass yourself and this relationship is done you obviously will never trust me. If I find out you have called her I will kick you out. So against my better judgement I do not call. However I say well if she goes to the coffee shop we go to I will probably run into her eventually. He says see, If I was doing anything do you think I would take you there. I replied YES you are that BRAZEN. I am seriously at my wits end at this point.
CHEATING PART 2
YOUR SINS WILL FIND YOU OUT – We go to the coffee shop last Friday and bump into R who confirms she has been dating my NARC, since August. I was in town until end of Sept. He totally ignores her, behaves like a little boy. Denies it all, just sits there, we are both furious I hoped she was going to laugh in my face and say she would not sleep with him, not her type. TRUTH - Which was true but she fell for the kindness, the charm, his popularity, she slept with him a few times and without protection. I said I had not slept with him since July and with protection for the last couple of years. She thought she was in a relationship with a nice guy, was told a whole bunch of lies including he had not had sex in two years.
WAKE UP CALL – From this website it has all clicked and I have been able to piece it all together. I just thought he was immature, I know now this is a PD, he will never change, he is incapable of love, he will never be faithful, I will always be used. Although I am a pale imitation of myself I can empower myself to change.
Serenstar
You are so ON to him! Yeh he
I'm always fine - thanks
It is absurd isn't it. They
Completely absurd
Hi Serenstar
Thanks for your support Femmegem
Serenstar, sweetheart, welcome
spinning
Thanks Spinning, Hunter, Femmegem
You've got a great head on
Welcome to Narcville.. Same
Hi Hunter
She won't stop.. Read up on