3 years...feels like a dream now

It's the 24th October.... three years ago today I somehow got the courage to walk up to my narc who was sat in our garden drinking a beer and I looked him right in the eye and told him "No more".
It had been a long journey to get to that point, I had run it over and over in my mind many times and he had pushed and pulled me for months but that was the day I would tell him to leave.
He did leave... the phone calls came telling me how he was alone sleeping in his shop on a garden chair but I stood strong. Well, the next six weeks were probably the worst time of my life and then the final horrific discard came on the 3rd December and that was the last time I ever spoke to him.

I never understood how I could miss and pine for a man who treated me so horribly, why I wanted his validation, why I watched with disbelief as he moved on with another woman very very quickly and posted their love story for all the world to see. I must be the crazy one I thought, if he can move on and love then it must be me that is pathetic and crazy, just as he told me I was over and over again.

I went to therapy...she explained emotional abuse and slowly, very slowly with the help of my therapist, some great friends and all the amazing people on this site, I began to realise that this was not my fault. I fell in love with a guy who was toxic. My love was real, my side of the relationship was honest and loyal and kind and compassionate but he was just pretending to be someone he wasn't. It was time to heal myself and so I began. I deleted everything to do with him, I cancelled facebook for a while and spent time looking after me. I changed my numbers, my email, everything. I asked people not to talk about him and very gradually his space in my head reduced.

It seems like a very bad dream now. My friend said to me today "Does it feel like it happened a lifetime ago?" I sat and thought for a second and told her that it feels like a movie that I once watched.

I am a different person now, a very different person. I am stronger and do what I want when I want. I was determined to learn from this horrible experience and never let anyone treat me like that again. I changed my job because my boss was a terrible narc too and now I am working in a lovely environment and I'm also at college studying for my final accountancy exams.
It had been a very very hard journey and I find it very hard to think back to the early days when I was spinning every day and didn't know what to do.

My best advice for the early days ? .......

No Contact - complete no contact, give yourself some breathing space and time to reflect and see things clearly.
Don't drink alcohol to feel better.... you will just feel worse.
Sleep..... hard I know but really try and get some sleep so that you can face the next day
Eat properly.... I didn't and I got so sick and weak... it took quite a while to feel well again
Take each day in small parts - a full day can be too much to handle in one go in the early days.
Read and follow the steps on this amazing site....... it works

You can do this... but you have to really really want to.
No one can make these steps for you and it's hard but believe me when I tell you that the peace I feel now is amazing. You can feel this too.

Big hugs to you all

XX