I told my narc that I needed time and space before I knew about the book or this group. I was 7 days NC before I got here. But, I feel guilty and dishonest if I start ignoring him without explicitly explaining what I'm doing and why. I've been programmed "Do unto others..." He did a great job with that one. I've blocked him on Facebook. I know there's some punishment time for that. Things have been quiet, but I know exactly why. I'm on time-out. Should I take advantage of this? How do I ease into NC healthfully without a guilty conscience?
La Luna
Guilty conscience and going NC?
Some go NC with no explanation and some send a brief email or text. This is up to you. The less said the better. He knows that you are not happy in the relationship so this will come as no surprise and he will know that you are done whether you send him a note or not.
Are you certain that what you are feeling is guilty conscience and not looking for a reason to contact him and see if he has changed?
They don't change. This is a PD and part of who and what they are.
I read your story and this man "sounds" sadistic, like he gets off on talking about disturbing topics, molestation, rape, and eating your dog.
And no, not all men in the military talk about such things with their girlfriends. This is part of who HE is.
PD's brainwash those around them into thinking that everything is their fault and from your story it sounds like he has you blaming yourself for his shortcomings and disorder.
You may want to seek the help of a good therapist in working on your self esteem issue's so that you do not feel so badly about ending an unhealthy relationship. A therapist can also help you to sort out all the facts from fiction which has you feeling guilty about taking care of your needs. The Six Steps of Recovery will also aid you in making progress in your recovery.
This is about you and your life now. What is best for you, not him, and as you say, you are beginning to feel better now. Eating, making new friends, and feeling some peace. Why disturb all of this by giving him explanations as to why you need to get out of this relationship, he already knows. By contacting him again, you only open the door for him to work on controling you some more.
You are in control now, not him, this is about the best quality life for you, not him.
God bless,
Goldie