Hello everyone,
I ended things with my N late February and have done NC since April 1st (he contacted me after he got fired and softy me responded once). I have worked very hard on healing, rebuilding my Life, working on my physical and mental health and day by day things have been improving and I feel more connected to my true self.
Unfortunately, due to the absolute stress of ending things (I was also supposed to change jobs and cities), my hair just went through this incredible shed. My doctor attributes it to the severe psychological trauma I went through at the start of 2012 when the so-called love of my life completely pulled the rug out from under me.
It has been awful trying to rebuild my sense of self and self esteem after all the terrible things he said in the past about my physical appearance whilst watching huge handfuls of hair fall into the sink........I guess its the reality of the toll of my relationship with my N right in my face..........Anyways, the hair loss has just started to stabilize (thank goodness doc was right) and I just went away on a lovely girls weekend with my cousin, so feeling better.
Then this weekend on a corporate networking site, I see that my ex-N has started a huge campaign for himself connecting with all these corporate types, many of which are colleagues in my office. When new connections exist, an update tells me that he has connected with all these people with a new picture of him. He of course looks good, big smile, lotsa hair etc. and it set me off and triggered feelings of sadness, missing him, feeling inadequate, feeling like he is coming out on top in all of this.
He was on POF 5 days later after our break-up so I just imagine him with new gorgeous woman, had summer off work after getting canned and now he is on track to resurrecting his career and being in my distant sphere again. I need to not care, I need to not worry about what he is doing or not doing, I need to shake these feelings of inadequacy, but alas I feel so weak that a picture seems to have reversed so many of the steps I thought I had taken in healing.
Big hug to everyone and thanks in advance for any comments/suggestions.
RiverGrace
Recovery has highs and lows