YOU--YES, I am talking to you!

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#1 Apr 21 - 10AM
Not-this-time
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YOU--YES, I am talking to you!

To those who are unable to get out of bed right, crying your eyes out, crying your heart out and crying your soul out, I have some great news for you! YOU WILL RECOVER and LIFE DOES GET BETTER!!!!

I am 2 years out w/ almost 1 year NC. I have been where you are right now. I thought my life was over and that I am DOOMED to a life of hell. Being involved with a narcissist is like being in a spell. I wanted desperately to break out of it, for that spell to be broken. Guess what? I had that power all along. Of course, I have help from this site, from friends, family, support group, therapist and one on one w/ Goldie.

Here are some of the things that I did in my recovery in the early days:

1. Changed my phone number twice.

2. Stayed off Facebook for at least 30 days. I learned early on that looking at his FB was too painfully. Luckily, I learned that fact pretty quickly.

3. Forgive yourself if you break NC. We are already hard enough on ourselves, pick yourself back up and start all over again. Eventually, the pain of staying outweighs the pain of leaving. There will be another bottom to that last bottom. You will feel humiliated again, feeling so low until you hit that breaking point when you just could not take anymore abuse. CUT THIS LOSER, because he really is. I thought my LOSER was different. However, reading other people's stories and gasping and saying, "how could she stayed with him for that long?" Wait. That sounds like my story. NC, NC, NC.

4. Cry, cry and cry. I cried pretty much everyday for 18 months. I am not exaggerating. I did not think a human being like me can produce so many tears. I could have filled an ocean. THEN, get to work! Hey, what about running for 15 mins--just 15 mins regardless of how you feel! The next day, add some push-ups! Exercise has many benefits but it also gets you out of bed for at least 30 mins in your 24/7 routine of pining for this LOSER--there's that word again, because it is so true!

5. So, let's just say you stay in bed all day. Do you want this sorry jerk to ruin the rest of your life? Hmmmnnn…get up and wash your dishes, they are piling up, then, sit on the couch and cry some more. Okay, are you done crying? Maybe not but get up and fix your bedroom.

6. Another thing I did was if I spent all day thinking about him, I started allowing myself to think about ME for once. In the beginning, it was really hard to envision how I was going to change my life but I forced myself, even for just 5 mins. If I am giving time thinking about him, then I need ME time too. This was one of the ways I started to value myself and started reclaiming myself.

Look, this may sound superficial things but sometimes the action/doing comes before the feeling. In the beginning, apart on days I had to go to work, I stayed in my bed all day. One day, I decided to jump out of bed and load the laundry. And instead of going back to bed, I layer on my couch.

Looking back, it was such a sad, sad life. The N already took so much from me, but in one of my sessions with my therapist, she told me, "this is the fight of your life. Now is the time to take your soul back." I started having 1 good day, then 2 days. Then I get a bad one. After that, I started having more good days.

I just want you to know that recovery takes action. When I started to have more good days, then I started working on deeper stuff like why I tolerated such bad treatment from this person. I had to work on getting validation from myself and not from somebody. I also learned about boundaries. There is much deeper, deeper work to be done. The hardest one is working on you.

My true recovery began when I finally went full NC aka I made a vow to stay NC and to no longer tolerate maltreatment. I remembered that day, it was my birthday. Through my tears, I told myself that I do not care how bad it is going to hurt being without him but I can no longer treat myself like this nor accept this situation any longer. A few months later, I got an e-mail from him--DELETE, DELETE, DELETE!!!

Come on, ask yourself this, ARE YOU READY, REALLY READY to get YOU BACK??? I promise you, you will be a much, much better person, the one that you've always wanted to be.

This site has provided me a lot of support and wisdom! Seriously, if I can do it, so can you!

Apr 21 - 8PM
BlairoRoberto
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Great!

Apr 23 - 2AM (Reply to #19)
Not-this-time
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BlairoRoberto, Keep going to

Apr 23 - 7AM (Reply to #20)
BlairoRoberto
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Hey Thanks :)

Apr 21 - 2PM
Janie53
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Not-this-time

Apr 23 - 2AM (Reply to #17)
Not-this-time
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Hello Janie! I will always be

Apr 21 - 2PM
Goldie
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I have openings in my support group

Apr 23 - 2AM (Reply to #15)
Not-this-time
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Hello Goldie! Your one-on-one

Apr 21 - 11AM
Journey
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Most excellent post! I

Journey on...

Apr 23 - 2AM (Reply to #13)
Not-this-time
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Hi Journey! Yes, I cried

Apr 21 - 11AM
pumpkinpie
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Thank you for the awesome

Apr 23 - 2AM (Reply to #11)
Not-this-time
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Hello pumpkinpie! That is so

Apr 21 - 10AM
Hunter
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Buzz!

Apr 23 - 2AM (Reply to #9)
Not-this-time
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Hunter, My favorite word

Apr 21 - 10AM
Not-this-time
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ooppp…sorry for some of the

Apr 21 - 10AM (Reply to #4)
Ophelia Standin...
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I Giant thank you

Apr 23 - 2AM (Reply to #7)
Not-this-time
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Hello Ophelia! I totally know

Apr 22 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
thebigpayback
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yes, this site literally

Apr 23 - 2AM (Reply to #6)
Not-this-time
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Totally agree w/ you,

Apr 21 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
spinning
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WooHooHoo NTT,

spinning

Apr 23 - 3AM (Reply to #3)
Not-this-time
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(not) spinning, Thank you,