The Denial System of the Codependent and the Narc

The Narc comes back when supply is low and he needs or wants something.

Tells you new lies. What he thinks you want to hear

He has to, otherwise you will not listen.

He promises to try harder. Never to hurt you like that again.

He can't live without you and will make the necessary changes, after all, you were no prize either is what he hopes you will believe (it takes two mentality). He has changed and will be better and different.

He hopes your time apart has taught you some lessons regarding how to better behave.

He suggests to you, not talk to quite so much about the relationship. After all.....

He's back

He loves you.

Now. Let it be.

He's back. Be happy.

Narc speak:

I'm back!!

As though time has stood still.

NS see's through me and I am recycling old supply, still stuck on me.

I need a break and want to triangulate my OS with NS.

That ought go keep HER in line.

Lets see if we can go a few more rounds

I know you like a book and know exactly how to push your buttons.

Self actualized person who has moved on and learned to value self:

Narc is back to hoover.

I am stronger, wise to his game and have learned to love myself. I will not consider going back to this sick disordered person.

My dance in hell is OVER!!!!!

I have myself back. I know who I am and where I am going.

I will not take this bait.

Remains NC

Person still in the throe's of denial, wishful/fantasy thinking, codependency, and addiction:

"Oh goody, Narc has come back because he still wants me (loves me) and he said he like's my new pic on Facebook ."

I am high, ecstatic, my prayers have been answered. My drug wants me back. My fix.

He is not the same as, the other narc's.

My narc is:

Different.

Better.

Really loves me.

Needs me.

He has changed.

I will make him love me this time.

Now I am in control. I get it.

I understand him.

I have read everything on narcissism.

I will beat the narcissist at his own game.

I feel better about myself.

Things will be great.

OMG he still wants me, I am so excited. Everything will be back to "normal"

As it should be. We belong together.

We are soul-mates.

We understand each other.......

Back in la la land. Brigadoon where all is happy and all ends well.

Wait a minute.....

I just got a bad bad feeling. Instinct.

Oh no, I hope I did not blow it by bitching about "my feelings" and he won't contact me again.

PANIC....sets in.

He did not call back.

Why not?

What's wrong?
OMG what can I do to get him to want me again?

I won't say anything to piss him off.

I will play it smooth.

Keep my cool.

Panic escalates.....

Should I call?

Should I text?

Should I ignore him?

Oh no. Please God. Please don't tell me he is doing it again.

How could I be so stupid.

I am angry afraid sick to my stomach.

My head is spinning.

I can't think straight.

What is going on?

I need to know.

I feel weak again.

Helpless.

Please text me.

Please call me.

Just one more time.....

And the beat goes on.

Wash rinse repeat.

Are you ready to get off the merry go round?

I am here to support you and help you to sort out your feelings.

Denial is a powerful smokescreen and may cause us to set ourselves up for more pain.

Often cause us to relapse.

A few months NC few months can go by and some "forget" how bad it was, when that Hoover text arrives.

The addict "forgets" how low the drugs allowed them to sink.

Into the depths of hopelessness and despair.

There is hope and freedom from this despair and bondage.

God bless,
Goldie
Together in Recovery

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http://www.lisaescott.com/blog/goldie

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